Years of Resentment Due to Weaponized Incompetence Come to a Head After Man Ruins Wife's Bathroom with Shoddy Caulking Job: 'Our small kids could've done better'

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  • "I asked him to please recaulk the sink and refresh the bath caulking on his day off. I came home to the job in the pictures. It's so thoughtless that I bypassed mad and have gone straight to heart broken. Our small children could've done better."
  • r/Marriage u/clumsycuriousity ⚫ 17h I'm no longer mad. I'm just hurt. Seeking Advice
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  • I have been dealing with issues within my marriage. for years. Over the last few months I've come to terms with it being a marriage of convience (we have kids and we don't fight just don't necessarily bond). This is just one example but theres been more and more things like this lately that without the emotional bond are making me think the convience isn't quite so convient. Last year, after waiting weeks for him to finish a bathroom reno, I finally just did the job myself and a good job of it i
  • the caulk seal started loosening around the vanity. So, I asked him to please recaulk it & refresh the bath caulking on his day off. I came home to the job in the pictures, it's so thoughtless that I bypassed mad and have gone straight into heart broken. Our small children could've done better, theres hair stuck in parts because he didn't even bother wiping down the tub before hand. He is not unexperienced in this sort of thing and I'm left to believe he just truly doesn't care about not only th
  • into us having a nice bathroom but the welfare of our families home (this caulking job is a sure fire way to gather moisture and mold). I work a very emotionally tolling job and instead of talking to him about this last night I just went to bed. I suppose I'm coming to this sub to not only vent my feelings but for advice on how you would approach this situation? He will lean into the "Well I thought it was a good job/ I'll just not do it next time" trope. 3,908 в 972 2 ŵ
  • Fast-Fan4785 • 17h It took more effort to do it wrong than to do a decent job. ... Reply 42.1k
  • Silver Party 17h . Yep! He went out of his way to do a bad job! OP he wanted to hurt you. He sought out to hurt you. 470
  • someoneelseatx • 12h Kind of. I have a coworker like this. Any time we ask him to do anything he does a purposefully poor job so we won't ask him again. Weaponized incompetence. She certainly won't ask him for more in the future. The lazy f probably got ped about being asked to do something on his day off. I just don't understand the mentality of treating your partner like this. Be kind. Try to work it out. ... ← 96
  • boxing_coffee • 6h This is what weaponized incompetence looks like, and he knows that you will stop asking for things if he does a poor job. This is a marriage of inconvenience because you don't actually have a second person you can rely on to do things with care. ... 843
  • No-Animal4921 • 17h Boy that's beyond incompetence. I'd send this to his father. ← Reply 1.6k
  • Appropriate Amoeba 406 17h • I laughed out loud. My father-in-law would tear my husband a new one. ... 597
  • _ WanderLust_ • 17h OP should call their dad to come over and fix this atrocity if it's a viable option. Imagine the shame. ... 297
  • Uereks 16h • I'd call his parents and blast him on FB. "My poor, sweet hubs tried to recaulk the sink by himself today even though I'm usually the one handling home repairs he knew I was tired from my very demanding job and tried his best! He's really always thinking of me II 5539
  • Cat_Naps1012 • 12h I had the same thought! Send it the family group chat "Hi family! Would FIL be able to come over sometime in the next week to help us recaulk our shower? Husband tried to do it himself, not sure why this happened, hoping your fatherly expertise can help!" ... ← 12
  • tonic65 17h 30 Years This isn't just a lazy job. There's a lot of anger and resentment in those beads. <Reply 23.5k
  • MostlyHarmless_2b. 17h I am the worst caulker on the planet, and this is 50x worse than my worst job. I'd check the floor and walls around your toilet. ↑ 388 ↓
  • KeepCrushin247 • 17h I didn't know it was possible to say "f caulk... but there it is..... Reply you" With 360
  • nylasachi • 17h He did that on purpose. He does not want to participate in regular house hold duties like house up keep. Reply 734
  • bigboyboozerrr • 14h I thought it was TOOTHPASTE out of resentment... ← 111
  • KinoOnTheRoad • 9h Worse. Its going to take so long to fix. Either take it all off, clean, dry, redo. Or try to cut it out in a line, and then fill.... Then cut again. It's beyond malicious incompetence. I YOU FPR EXPECTING ME It's malicious "F TO DO ANYTHING". Speaking for experience - it really takes longer and more effort to do this that bad. Fr. 15
  • mr_fantastical • 17h I'm not actually sure what I would say. The job has been done with such a lack of attention and care that it feels extremely passive aggressive, that he has to deliberately be seeking a reaction. My worry is what this lack of care means for the rest of the relationship.
  • I would also caution against the 'marriage of convenience' feeling you have. My wife and I have 2 young kids and live away from family, and we've certainly been there. The problem is apathy quickly turns to resentment. We only have one life, but we have multiple chances of happiness in our adult lives, and we have much more choice than our children do who certainly feel our happiness much more acutely than we often give them credit for.
  • My wife and I have been turning things around a lot lately (it's been hard and takes a lot of work) because we've realised that being 'okay' is sh_for ourselves as individuals, for each other, and for our kids. What's the point of that?
  • I think the best thing to say would be along the lines of "I know you are better than this, but I don't know what to say without causing an argument, because I honestly feel like your first reaction, to my complaint, will be to say that you shouldn't have even bothered - but what am I supposed to feel when I look at this? This makes me feel really disrespected and it brings me down to the point where I can't hide it from the kids. Things like this impact them as well'. Reply 1 182 ♡
  • Wolfy Of Valhalla • 17h 15 Years This person's approach is fantastic! Great way to start the conversation that very apparently needs to be had. ... 29

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